Sex Positions for People Who Hate Missionary (No Judgement, Just Real Talk)

Reading Time: 10 minutes

Missionary isn’t everybody’s favourite, and that’s perfectly fine. Whether it’s about comfort, pleasure, or just plain personal taste, many people find it limiting or even awkward. There’s no need to feel pressured to stick with it if it’s not doing the job for you.

This post is all about throwing out any judgement and offering a fresh look at other sex positions that can boost intimacy and fun. You’re about to discover options that might feel better, more comfortable, and definitely more satisfying—no awkwardness included. Let’s find what works for you without the usual expectations hanging over your head.

Why Some People Dislike the Missionary Position

It’s a classic, sure, but it’s also the most disliked when it comes to sex positions. Missionary gets a lot of flak, and not without reason. For some, it feels like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole—uncomfortable, uninspired, or just downright painful. Others find it emotionally tying or boring, while social ideas about it shape their feelings too. Before we get into the alternatives, let’s break down why so many people aren’t fans of missionary.

Physical Discomfort and Pain Issues

Let’s be honest, missionary isn’t the most forgiving on your body. Here’s a quick list of the physical challenges:

Joint or muscle pain: Lying flat on your back or pressing down can strain wrists, knees, or hips. Those with arthritis or past injuries often feel this acutely.
Limited angle control: Unlike positions where you can shift angles, missionary locks you into a pretty straight alignment. This makes it tricky to hit those sweet spots that make all the difference.
Difficulty reaching pleasure zones: For many, especially women, the clitoris or G-spot don’t get direct attention in missionary. This often leads to underwhelming sensations or frustration.
Lack of movement freedom: The position usually puts one partner driving and the other mostly passive. If you like to switch things up or move freely, missionary can feel restrictive in that sense.

These physical limits aren’t just minor annoyances. A recent survey found that a significant number of respondents prefer positions they can easily adjust or that put less pressure on joints. You don’t have to suffer through discomfort to enjoy intimacy.

Emotional and Psychological Factors

Missionary is often associated with more than just physical aspects. Emotionally, it can feel kind of suffocating for some:

Feeling constrained: That face-to-face position can feel intense, but for some it’s also too much pressure to perform or stay ‘connected’ in a certain way.
Lack of excitement or novelty: Missionary is usually seen as basic or default, which can make it boring if you crave variety or spontaneity.
Negative associations: Maybe it reminds you of awkward early experiences, or feels connected to gender norms that don’t sit right with you. This can create a mental block, making it hard to enjoy it fully.

People who dislike missionary for emotional reasons often want more freedom, creativity, or connection on their terms—something that doesn’t feel like ticking a box.

Believe it or not, the missionary position carries a hefty cultural baggage. It’s been idealised as the “proper” way to have sex for decades, especially in movies or conservative circles. Here’s how that colors opinions:

Traditional expectations: Missionary is often linked to conservative values or ‘default’ sex, which some see as boring or restrictive.
Stigma around pleasure: There’s a history of limiting women’s pleasure or erotic expression in this position, reinforcing the idea that it’s less about mutual enjoyment.
Sexual politics and roles: The position sometimes echoes old-fashioned gender roles—one partner active, the other passive—which some people actively resist.

This background can influence how people feel about missionary, making them steer clear not just for comfort or psychology but from a desire to break away from norms.

Understanding these reasons brings us closer to realising that hating missionary isn’t about being difficult or picky — it’s about wanting sex that feels good, right, and true to you. Now, let’s explore the positions that do exactly that.

Top Alternative Sex Positions for Those Who Hate Missionary

If missionary just isn’t your thing—whether it feels stiff, uncomfortable, or just plain uninspired—there’s a whole world of positions waiting to shake things up. The cool part? Many alternatives focus on comfort and closeness without sacrificing pleasure. They let you ditch the pressure and find what really works for your body (and your mood). Here’s a look at some solid picks that combine intimacy with ease, making sex feel relaxed and exciting instead of routine.

Spooning Position: Comfort Meets Intimacy

Spooning is like a warm hug that leads to great sex. Lying side by side with your partner curving around you takes almost all pressure off your joints—no awkward angles or heavy weight pressing down. This position is particularly gentle on knees, hips, and wrists.

Plus, spooning is about closeness. You stay wrapped up together, skin touching skin, which invites intimacy without forcing face-to-face contact. That relaxed connection lets you focus on rhythm and pleasure without any strain. It’s perfect for slow, sensual moments where you both get to feel safe and connected.

Ideal for people with joint pain or limited mobility
Promotes whispered talk and tender touches
Easy to adjust depth and angle by shifting hips

Woman on Top Variations: Control and Stimulation

When the woman is on top, it puts her in the driver’s seat—and that can make a huge difference. This position gives you control over the pace, depth, and angle, which means tuning everything perfectly to what feels good. You’re no longer stuck with the other person setting the rhythm.

The classic cowgirl lets you move freely, lean forward or back, and decide how fast or slow to go. Then there’s the reverse cowgirl, which adds a fresh visual and changes the sensation by shifting angles. Both let you stimulate the clitoris more easily, either by grinding or positioning your body to focus on that sweet spot.

You manage the tempo and pressure
Opens up more clitoral stimulation options
Allows easy eye contact or even looking away, whichever you prefer

This shift in power isn’t just physical—it feels empowering and can boost confidence and connection at the same time.

Doggy Style Variations for Deeper Penetration

Doggy style gets a bad rap sometimes, but it’s a favourite for many because it offers some of the deepest penetration possible. Plus, it opens up new angles that can bring different kinds of pleasure than missionary ever could.

Going with the basic position on all fours works, but there are less demanding versions to try:

Knees-on-bed doggy: The receiving partner rests comfortably on the bed instead of extending arms, cutting down on joint strain.
Standing doggy: Partner stands behind while the receiver leans on a piece of furniture, offering a change in height and leverage that can be more comfortable and exciting.

Doggy style also means less face-to-face intensity if that’s something you want to avoid, and you both get to enjoy powerful sensations with plenty of room to adjust.

Side-by-Side and Seated Positions for Balance

Sometimes comfort and intimacy go hand in hand with balance. Side-by-side positions—where you lie close facing each other or belly-to-belly—combine touch, closeness, and ease. They allow you to look into each other’s eyes or just enjoy the softness of skin next to skin.

Seated options, like sitting on a chair or edge of a bed with your partner straddling or wrapping around you, also work wonders. These positions offer:

Stability and less body weight bearing down on joints
A good mix of closeness and personal space
Fantastic opportunities for hugging, kissing, and easy pace control

They’re great for those who want intimacy without the pressure of full-body weight on arms or back, keeping things comfortable and sensuous at once.

All these alternatives share something important: they respect your body and preferences while keeping the pleasure flowing. Ditching missionary doesn’t mean you lose connection—it means you get to rewrite the playbook for what feels right. Give some of these a try and see how much more enjoyable and comfortable sex can be when you choose positions that fit you perfectly.

How to Modify Sex Positions to Suit Your Comfort

Tweaking sex positions to fit your comfort zone isn’t just about being gentle on your body—it’s a way to unlock deeper pleasure without the pain or stiffness that some traditional positions bring. When missionary feels off, small changes can turn a “no thanks” into a “yes, please” without losing connection or intimacy. It’s about finding angles, supports, and tools that work with your unique body, not against it. Here’s how you can start making positions your own.

Using Pillows and Supports to Adjust Angles

Pillows are underrated heroes in the bedroom. Slipping a firm wedge or couple of soft cushions under your hips, back, or knees can completely change how a position feels. They support your body, ease pressure on sensitive joints, and open up new angles that can deepen penetration or just make everything feel lighter.

For example, placing a wedge pillow under the hips in certain positions lifts the pelvis just enough to reduce strain and improve alignment. This can make a big difference in how your hips and lower back feel, preventing that nagging ache missionary sometimes causes. It also helps partners reach pleasure spots more easily with less effort.

Some quick tips with pillows:

Use a firm wedge to elevate the hips in side-by-side or spooning positions for better access and comfort.
Support backs with a rolled towel or small cushion to relieve pressure and keep spines aligned.
Place pillows under knees to reduce strain on hips and knees in kneeling or doggy-style variations.

Pillows don’t just cushion—they change the game, helping you hold positions longer and with less discomfort. And bonus: they’re easy to find and adjust mid-session, so you keep control of what feels good.

Incorporating Props and Toys

Ever thought sex toys were just for solo play? Not at all. Adding the right props during partnered sex isn’t about replacing anyone; it’s about enhancing pleasure and comfort together. Toys can boost sensations, soften movements, and help you explore with ease.

Vibrators, for example, can provide consistent clitoral or G-spot stimulation without the need for manual effort. This means you or your partner can focus on movement and connection while the vibe does the work. Cock rings, meanwhile, can improve erection strength and sensation for longer sessions and extra stimulation for both.

Then there are wedges and positioning aids specially designed for sex. These are sturdier than normal pillows and sometimes shaped with curves or grips that stabilise you. Some even come with pockets to hold toys in place for hands-free action or straps for gentle restraint, adding both comfort and excitement.

Here’s a short list of props worth trying:

Dual-action vibrators for simultaneous clitoral and internal sensation.
Cock rings with vibration to boost endurance and shared pleasure.
Wedge pillows and ramps that support hips or backs effortlessly.
Sex furniture or mounts that assist with balance and hold positions steady.

Using toys and props invites experimentation without pressure—you gain freedom to explore what truly feels right while keeping discomfort at bay. Plus, they’re great for shaking up your routine when you want something fresh but manageable.

There’s no easier way to kill intimacy than guessing what your partner wants—or worse, what they can handle physically. Trying new positions or adding pillows and toys calls for honest, open talk. The good stuff here is that clear communication makes everything easier and more fun.

Start simply: check in about comfort levels, what feels good, and what hurts or doesn’t work. Use “yes, no, maybe” language to keep it light and judgement-free. Remember, it’s about finding pleasure together, not ticking off a checklist or trying to impress.

Also, consent is ongoing. That means what’s okay one night might not feel right the next, and that’s fine. Keep talking, stay curious, and adjust as you go. When you treat your experimentation like a shared adventure, it turns a tricky or unfamiliar experience into something warm and playful.

Here are a few tips for better communication:

Set aside time before or after sex to talk about what worked and what didn’t.
Use simple check-ins like “Is this okay?” or “Do you want to keep doing this?” mid-action.
Be open to feedback and ready to try alternatives without taking it personally.

The best adjustments mix physical comfort with emotional ease—when both partners feel safe to speak up and explore, the experience improves for everyone.

Modifying your sex life to suit comfort isn’t about giving up or settling—it’s about tuning in to what makes your body and relationship feel good. With a bit of creativity and open-hearted conversation, you can turn even the most dreaded positions into sources of pleasure and closeness.

Maintaining a Healthy Sex Life Without Missionary

Missionary isn’t the only way to build and sustain intimacy in your sex life. In fact, stepping away from it can open doors to richer emotional connections, fresh excitement, and more comfort—without losing the closeness that really matters. You don’t have to rely on one position to feel connected or fulfilled. A healthy sex life comes from feelings, touch, and being present with your partner, not just from the mechanics of how you arrange your bodies.

Let’s break down some key ways to keep the spark alive and maintain intimacy when you prefer to skip missionary.

Focusing on Emotional Connection and Intimacy

Sex isn’t all about penetration or specific moves. Emotional connection is the foundation that makes everything feel meaningful and enjoyable. When missionary feels stale or uncomfortable, switching focus to other ways of bonding can make a huge difference.

Non-penetrative activities like kissing, caressing, or sensual massage show your partner you crave closeness beyond the usual routine. These moments fill the space with warmth and trust.
Eye contact during sex isn’t just romantic—it’s powerful. Looking into each other’s eyes invites vulnerability and deepens emotional ties. It’s a silent conversation that builds intimacy without words.
Touch remains key. Try exploring different textures and pressures, from light tracing fingertips to firm embraces. Skin-to-skin contact amplifies feelings of safety and desire.

Think of sex like a dance where you sync emotionally before any steps happen physically. When your connection is strong, every position or activity feels heightened—and it often leads to deeper satisfaction.

Introducing Variety to Avoid Monotony

Stuck in a rut? It happens to everyone. Variety is one of the simplest, most effective ways to keep sex exciting without forcing missionary or any other position you dislike. Routine kills desire, but a little curiosity and willingness to try new things bring fresh thrills.

Switch up positions often to find what fits your body better and reignites pleasure. From spooning to woman-on-top or side-by-side, exploring new angles keeps things unpredictable and engaging.
Change rhythms and pace, don’t just stick to one tempo. Slow, steady movements can shift to playful grinding or heightened quickness, making each encounter feel unique.
Explore playful elements like role play, sexy talk, or themed nights to add spice without changing position. Sometimes the mind craves novelty as much as the body.

Treat your sex life like a playlist that evolves—not a fixed track on repeat. This way, you always have something new to look forward to.

Seeking Professional Advice if Needed

Sometimes, avoiding missionary isn’t just a preference but a necessity. Persistent pain, discomfort, or emotional blocks around sex are signals your body and mind need attention. There’s no shame in seeking help.

Sex therapists specialise in navigating intimacy issues, communication barriers, and help find solutions tailored to your relationship. If emotions or expectations get tangled up, they provide safe, judgement-free guidance.
Medical professionals can assess physical causes of pain during sex, suggest treatments, or recommend pelvic floor therapy if needed. Pain shouldn’t be accepted as normal or unavoidable.
Addressing these concerns early prevents them from affecting your relationship’s connection and satisfaction long-term.

Getting professional support shows strength and care—for yourself and your partner. Everyone deserves a pleasurable, comfortable, and meaningful sex life, with or without missionary.

Maintaining a healthy sex life without missionary means focusing on what makes intimacy real—connection, variety, and openness to support. It’s about tuning in to your needs, sharing those honestly, and refusing to settle for discomfort or boredom. These approaches don’t just keep sex enjoyable—they build lasting closeness on your own terms.

Conclusion

Finding sex positions that fit you and your partner’s comfort and pleasure is key to enjoying intimacy without stress or judgment. Missionary might be popular, but it’s far from the only option—and for many, it’s not the best fit. Exploring alternatives that respect your body and desires can make all the difference, opening up new ways to connect and enjoy each other without pain or boredom.

Whatever you choose, the goal is the same: pleasure that feels good, emotional closeness that feels real, and a shared experience that honours both of you. Don’t settle for positions that don’t work—try new ones, tweak them, add a pillow or toy, and keep communicating. Your sex life can be as comfortable and exciting as you want it to be, no missionary required.

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